weightillusion

So this week can be no exception and cannot be bad in anyway at all. Boyfriend is leaving on Thursday and then i really wont have an excuse as to where i eat 3 times a week and what the hell am i going to do on a sunday, when the famiyl have a roast dinner. Im terrified and i dont know what im going to do with myself anymore. If i put on weight i will blame my parents for it, they will force feed me i know they will.

Monday 3rd
So far...........good day. Had Tea for breakfast with a couple of slices of grapefruit and then about half a kiwi fruit. About a teaspoon of honey as well. But i needed it for a bit of a sugar fix to wake me up this morning. So the fast has started and now im to ahve nothing again until breakfast tomorrow morning. 

I have decided that i will only allow some lettuce, tomatos or cucumber if i get hungry when im at home. I know its solids but theyre seriosuly low in caloires and i dont think will do any harm what so ever to progress, as theyre mostly liquid anyway. 

Tuesday the 4th ended well and i didnt eat anything else and went to bed on a reasonably empty stomach which felt great when i woke up the next morning with hunger pains! Yey! :-) 

But then mum went and brought Cashew Nuts from M&S, not just any cashews, theyre the best honey roasted ones you could possibly ever taste and they really are addictive. Luckily i opened that pack and purposely left in the kitchen where the parents where, knwoing full well they woudl demolish them, and they did. Ok i had a few but nothign too horrendous.

Both Wednesday and Thursday were not great, but then they werent bad either. I did eat bits and peices so really didnt manage a fast again last week, so a bit of a failiure. I just dont know how i managed to eat/snack so little a few weeks back, i must have been having a strong week. Friday wasnt good, i purged before going to the pub and then saturday was AWFUL, the worst binge and purge day ever.

Sunday was good. Went dancing on saturday night so last time i ate something was Sat at 6pm. Then just had fruit and lettuce on Sunday with a hot chocolate and some tea. So did pretty well, kind of an introduction to a fast i guess.

So weighed myself after a crap week and am still 7.5 stone, which is ok considering that i did really badly last week with fasting and managed really only 2 good days if im being honest.

Monday 3rd March started off great, had some Honey, Grapefruit and Orange and tea. Diet coke for lunch and then i got home and managed to onyl eat some sugar free jelly, a little honey and then some buttercream (onyl a tiny bit though). Then my sister and boyfriend got back from shopping and i ended upe ating Pate and then picked at the custard they had with their desserts. I felt awfuk and really full so i purged everything. Came out very well as i drank about 4 glasses of water in between and before. Maybe thats why i felt so full!?!

Tuesday 4th March
Grapefruit & Orange
Honey (tiny bit though)
Diet Coke
Grapes (35 Calories)  
Sugar Free Jelly (8 Calories)
Beetroot (10 calories?!)

So same as last week so far with a bad monday and then a good tuesday. But i must be good through until Saturday and then thats 5 days in total, the same as the first week when i lost the most weight.

 So i havent updated in like over a week. I weighed myself on Sunday the 24th and was still the same, 7.5stone. So ahve maintained the weight for a week now.

Week of 11th Feb (5 good days)
Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs & Fri - Good Days
Saturday - Really bad binge (purged)
Sunday- 7.5stone

Week of 18th Feb (3 good days)
Mon, Tues, Weds - Good days
Thurs - Bad day, Cake Baking
Friday - Ok Day
Saturday & Sunday - Ok days 7.5 stone

Week of 25th Feb (2-3 good days)
Monday - Bad binge, Cake Baking
Tues & Weds - Good Days
Thursday - OK Day
Friday, Sat & Sunday - Ok days 7.5 stone

So that was the general pattern for the last three weeks. In the first week i managed to loose the 3 lbs i previously put back on, and managed a fruit and liquid fast for the 5 week days. I allowed grapes, oranges and i also had some cottage cheese every now and then.

The week after was not so good, Thursday i made some cakes with my sister and ended up bigning a little but purged everything afterwards. The weekend was then ok, but i didnt stick to the fast that well.

Last week was my worst week out of the three, the more im strict with myself the more i seem to not be able to do it. I only managed Tuesday and Wednesday to be good days last week. Monday was the worst day and Thursday was not that great either but both days i purged so everything did come up. Weekend was ok, not the best but neither the worst. Could do better next time. 

So ive lost the 3lbs, and have maintained 7.5 stone weight for two weeks now, which is good considering how shit iev been with eating.

So Friday was a good day. Didnt have any honey or anything in the morning, just a few slices of orange and grapefruit mixed together and then tea and diet coke through out the day.

Got home and had a low cal hot chocolate and then iced a cake- bit of a mistake as i ate quite a bit of the icing, and then had some honey and Feta cheese. (only a tiny bit though) Felt bad so i managed to purge and because i drank water, eveything came up really easily and i felt much better. Went clubbing and worked out i danced for like 2 hours minimum non stop, and god did i get sweaty!

Saturday has been the best saturday SO FAR in a long time. Ive only had 1 tsp honey, a few slices of orange and tea and water so far. Which i feel great about. Going to boyfriends now, will chew gum and drink diet coke all night. Im cooking him dinner, and i want to make sure i dont eat ANYTHING! i will be such a failiure if i do.

I had a bad saturday last week but weighed myself on sunday and still was 7.5stone. So as i had a not so good thursday this week thats in comparison to my saturday the week before as this saturday has been great, so i should be on track to either stay the same weight or loose at least a pound. Any more would be great but i really dont want to get my hopes up.

So the last time i posted it was Wednesday morning on my great Tuesday progress. 

Wednesday turned out to be good, had just the grapefruit in the morning, nothing all day apart from the usual Diet Coke to fill me up and get rid of those hunger pains and then i got home and i did have come cottage cheese and a low calorie hot chocolate, and a little bit of honey! Felt really bad but i started my Pilates dvd and then after drinking and eating it all felt really sick, and was sick in the toilet, so got rid of it all.

My parents were out until 7pm, so i needed to keep myself busy so not to eat. My boyfriend then came round and all i had more than night was a couple of grapes and then a cup of earl grey tea. So i felt ok with myself all in all.

Yesterday, Thursday 21st was great until i got home from swimming at 8pm. I had a low calorie hot chocolate, about 4 teaspoons of low fat cottage cheese, 1 rice cake, and some honey. :-( I had to purge, even though everything i had was either liquid, or very low calorie, i couldnt take it that i had broken the fast. I purged everything.

I think thats all that i had. I hate it when i cant remember..........

So Tuesday was a really good day. Started out in the morning with a Naval orange and then a cup of tea and one teaspoon of honey, i know the honey was bad but i always end up having it in the mornings, i think im actually addicted! 

I got home and had a Low calorie hot chocolate, and about 10 grapes or so, and that was it. I had no cheese, sweets or little bits of anything here or there, so im seriously happy with myself on that front! My parents were cooking and it smelt so good, i almost took a mouthful but managed to stop myself and had a peice of chewing gum instead! 

So today has started off well, as i dont like eating infront of my parents really, they were hanging round in the kitchen this morning so i didnt have any honey or chocolate spread or jam out of the jars, just half a naval orange and a bit of grapefruit. YEY! :-) Hope i keep it up tonight, as i will be at home, although will be doing pilates so should keep me busy for a little while.

Hope youre all doing well! x

 So wow, well done to me. I managed to stick out the liquid/fruit fast for Mon-Fri successfully and managed to loose the 2-3lbs that i put on the week before and am now at my lowest weight ever at 7.5stone exactly. (105pounds)

So Saturday wasnt very good, i broke the fast but lots of purging was involved and it was before i weighed myself so it seems to have not made a difference as i was 7.5stone on Sunday morning. Sunday managed quite well, better than the week before anyway. I did have bits here and there. But managed to get out of dinner and chuck it in the bin and then i went for a walk and did my exercise dvd too so burned quite a few calories.

Monday, the start of the fast again (im going to try and fast 5 days a week and then allow small amounts of fruit etc at the weekends, as i know thats when i break all the time, but i need to have more self control)

Yesterday i had an orange as usual for breakfast and a cup of tea, and then tea, water and a diet coke throughout the day. When i got home i had some grapes, (about 10 i guess) and then i had 2 cherry tomatoes and a low cal hot chocolate, oh and a small lump of low cal Feta cheese. (shouldnt have had it i know!) 

So it was ok, in comparison with last Modnay pretty much the same really. As long as i keep to the same as what i ahd last week technically i should see another weight loss this week.

 After a seriosuly shit Saturday and then a weigh in on Sunday prioving that i didnt do as well as i thought i did last week, as i gained an awful 2 lbs. I need to fast and so far so good. Sunday is normally another really difficult day with being at home normally on my own if im lucky and this leads to major binging and then purging, which i ahve to stop as im sure that this is what is making me gain and never loose.

Sunday was ok, i did great up until about 7pm, when i had some grapes and a bit of a biscuit, 1 rice cake and then i had some pickled onions and beetroot. Which is ok as theyre very very low in calories but filling, however i was still dissapointed that i coudlnt stop myself as usual.

Monday...........the start of my fast. I am going to kill myself if i dont manage it this week. How fucking hard can it be to just not eat food, when i know i dont want to anyway. Grrrr it messes with my head so much, i hate it.
So yesterday i did well, a clementine for breakfast and then some grapes in the evening and 1/2 kiwi fruit. Everything else was liquid, tea, water and coke. Also a low cal hot chocolate which save me when i have cravings. 

So day two, and so far so good. Just a clementine for breakfast again and a cup of herbal tea. Im not having anything tonight not even fruit. I wil go to the shop to buy some new pilates equipment after work and then head straight to my boyfriends so i dont have to be at home thinking about food and picking. Then that will be day 2 gone and the start of another. 

I seem to be able to do well up until like a Thursday and then i cave. Not this week, i ahve to shift this 3lbs and get to 105 by Sunday, and i think the only way will be to liquid fast as i am with a couple of fruit exceptions, plus i will keep my exercise regime going as much as i possibly can.

Ok so i thought id update on how last night was, as i need to keep up on what im eating and exercising everyday from now on! it will help so i can look back and see where i have done and bad and why hopefully. :-) 

Yesterday;

Naval Orange (breakfast 60cals)
2 Teaspoons Honey (Breakfast 50cals)

Diet Coke (Lunch)

Low Cal Hot Chocolate (30cals)
Grapes (about 15 grapes i guess at roughly 2calories each - 30cals?)
Clementine (30cals)
1 Chocolate finger biscuit (32cals)
Raisins and dried fruit (god i dont know........say 60cals?)

Then i also had the smallest crumbs of some cake (its seriosuly even worth counting expecially as i purged anyway), and then some dry museli. I just picked out the raisins and papaya/banana peices and that was it. But felt really guilty so i purged everything and i think i did a pretty good job, a lot came up. Mostly all the fruit. I probabaly didnt need to purge but i felt much better afterwards, even though i hardly had anything naughty, i still had something which isnt allowed!

Hmm wasnt so bad, but Monday and Tuesday i dont do muich exercise just a walk into town at lunch and then my 20minute ab and arm workout before i go to bed. Today will be good i hope, will be going to Pilates tonight which always keeps me busy on a wednesday.

One down side........went into the kitchen this mornign and saw my sister has brought chocolate spread. I love it, what a huge weakness and its a white and milk chocolate swirled one. I looked and its 85calories per tablespoon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will have to try and not be tempted, ive already stuck my finger in and had a little. Its a nightmare having a family who eat calorific foods and snacks as its lying around all the time. :-(

So i said i would post tonight to keep me from eating and so here i am! I will try and do this any minute i have spare when im at home, as even though i have access to my computer and the internet all day i dont need to not think about food at work, as its never a temptation really.

So today ive had:

Naval Orange (breakfast, 60cals)
2 Teaspoons of Honey (50cals?!)

1 low cal hot chocolate (30calories)
Then i got home and was good but picked at some lemon meringe pie and had one cadbury chocolate finger bisuit, i know the meringe pie wasnt good but i hardly ate anything and then purged it anyway.

Loads of Rooibos Herbal tea
Water

So in general i feel pretty in control and pleased with myself. I stopped after like 2 forkfulls of pie and then got rid of it anyway. Was going to have a rice cake, but i actually dont want one now which i good, so i'll just go to bed and do my 20 minute sit up work out before hand too. :)

So Saturday suprisingly turned out to be a fantastic day, not only was i doing something for my future plans and got all excited about travelling in the summer etc, i didnt eat anything practically.

Only lettuce, tomato, about 6 pasta swirls and a diet coke and tea all day. I got home and had a biscuit and a hot chocolate but then went out with ym friend to the pub so wasnt tempted by anything at home in the cupboards or fridge. Wow, im proud of myself. 

Did great on Sunday up until about 2.30pm, i only had one clementine but then had a little binge, pretty small one though and i had just burned like 500 calories on my bike ride. So i will forgive myself, also it curbed my cravings for the mean time and still wasnt as bad as the previous weekend. I think i may finally be getting the han gof this and leanring to stop myself.

So i think im almost down to 7.5 stone. (105pounds) still not enough lost yet and i dont look how skinny as i thought i woudl look at this weight, so i need to do some more hard work this week. I cant eat much less, as if i do i wont be able to keep up with the exercising regime i currently have.

Will try to fast, well almost fast anyway. Im onyl to drink liquids and have clementines for either breakfast or dinner. Nothing else. I know i wil trip up and have honey as i love it, but at least its not solids and i will not have too much, i sometimes just need it for a quick energy sugar boost.

Well i have been excellent with eating this week and have done the best i ahve done in a long, long time. Tonight was always going to be difficult as i knew i would end up staying in at home and yep i ate the following;

1 pickled onion (5calories)
2 Teaspoons Honey (60 calories)
2 Tablespoons Angel Delight (hmm about 50 calories)
1 cube white chocolate (35 calories)
1/2 biscuit (40 calories)
4 Tablespoons Parsnip soup (like 20 calories-home made soup!)
Forkful of onion tart (Hmmm about 40 calories?!)

I suppose it wasnt too bad, about 200 minimum. But i wish i hadnt. Oh well as long as i stick to nothing now for the rest of the night i'll be fine, and i have to do my sit ups etc.

I managed to fake my dinner too, parents were sitting in the lounge watching tv and i heated up meatballs and pasta and then chucked in some foil in the bin, didnt eat any of it, thanks god.

Right i just need to write out my exercise routine out so i can see it for myself, as i go round and round in my head what i did the week i lost some weight and that i need to completley copy that pattern for this week and others and i want to make sure i do the same if i have any chance of loosing again;

Monday:  Walk to Town - 30 minutes
                 100 Sit Ups - Morning
                 100 Sit Ups, 30 Press Ups, 25 Bridges on each side - Evening

Tuesday: Walk to Town - 30 minutes
                 100 Sit Ups - Morning
                 100 Sit Ups, 30 Press Ups, 25 Bridges on each side - Evening

Wednesday: Walk to Town - 30 minutes
                        100 Sit Ups - Morning
                        100 Sit Ups, 30 Press Ups, 25 Bridges on each side - Evening
                         1 Hour Pilates Class

Thursday: Walk to Town - 30 minutes
                   100 Sit Ups - Morning
                   100 Sit Ups, 30 Press Ups, 25 Bridges on each side - Evening
                    30 Minutes of Swimming (Breatstroke)

Friday: Walk to Town - 30 minutes
              100 Sit Ups - Morning
              100 Sit Ups, 30 Press Ups, 25 Bridges on each side - Evening

Saturday: Walk to Town - 60 minutes (3miles)
                  1 Hour Cardio DVD

Sunday: Walk to Town - 60 minutes (3miles)
                1 Hour Bike Ride (Moderate speed)

Sounds like i do alot but i dont feel its enough sometimes. Latley i will stick to the above and then any chance i get to walk somewhere or do anything extra then i will. I really have to push myself to do my work out dvd, as its such hard work and it ends up making mm feel really light headed, but i sweat so much i know its amazingly good for me! :)

So i planned to have a good week like i did last week with loosing 2lbs and all, but already it has got off to a bad start. Sunday wasnt that good as i posted previously but i did do a lot fo exerise so it burned all calories that i consumed if not more.

But last night i had to make that cake and yes it was hard i ended up eating some chocolate chips as well as loads of butter icing, which is my nemesis, i love the stuff. But its so bad literally just vanialla essence, butter and icing sugar, cant really get much worse really, i had about 2 Tablespoons i guess altogether as i was just picking at it. (always seems like you have more when you have lots of little bits!) and then i also ate some cake icing but not much. So i dont really know in calorie wise what i had which i hate but i purged everything about 10 minutes later as  felt rank and stprisingly a lot came up.

So hopefully the damage wasnt that bad and it wont make me gain this week. Will have to be majorly strict with myself again until my next weigh in for Saturday. Last week wasnt perfect i still had a couple of chocolates as well as a biscuit here and there and i still lost so as long as i can keep it down to that i should be ok!